holy smokes, guys.
I am officially one month away from leaving my home for the last 22.5 years to live in a completely new place for the next six months.
I am feeling all of the emotions in preparation – but overall, I am just so excited.
I just want to share with you all about what God has been teaching me as I head into this next adventure…
picture this:
you’re twenty-something again and you are just getting comfy in your bed or living room getting ready to watch some netflix for the rest of the evening.
you think it’s going to be the most wonderful evening vegging out, watching your favorite show.
you go to click into the app and realize that your parents have logged you out and changed the password.
now, you’re slightly upset.
all you wanted was to watch netflix for the rest of the night without anyone knowing what you were doing. now you have to seek your parents out and figure out the new password.
they don’t reply automatically like you’d like.
now, you’re aggravated.
what feels like an eternity, but only 17 minutes later, you get a response from your mom.
the password is john8:12
you look it up…
“I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”
wow.
that was me – I thought I had the perfect plan for my life before God gently wrecked by “plans” and opened the door for YWAM in Australia – and one would have thought that I would have learned a lesson through that process…(well I did, don’t get me wrong) but it seems like there’s always something that I am trying to control.
trying to invite God to come along on my journey, thinking that if He follows me, it must be God’s plan, right? isn’t that how that works?
nah.
it would be so wonderful to see the big picture that God sees to know what I will be doing once my time is done in Australia. to know where I will be living and so many other detalis…now this isn’t always stuff that I share out loud to everyone I talk with, maybe just internal thoughts running through my mind…
but God places someone in my path, or the scripture that I’m reading that day, or really just anything to get my attention to make me realize that it’s not all about me and what I want.
maybe that’s just it. maybe I am not going where I want to go, because it’s not where He wants me to go. it’s not where He can use me best.
and I’m okay with that… now.
that’s been a constant battle in my life. I am a planner and really enjoy scheduling and setting situations up for victory, but it never ever really ends the way I have it pictured in my head.
later in that chapter of John, Jesus answers the Jews by saying –
“If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth and the truth will set you free.” – John 8:31
no matter how heavy the bondage of my sin, I know my Jesus has paid the price of God’s wrath. I am set free because of Jesus’ humility to walk this earth and be punished for something I deserve.
what a beautiful picture of grace. a free gift, given to people like me who don’t deserve it.
I am thankful for a God who pours out His love towards me, over and over again, though I make the same mistake so often.
I am thankful for a God who knows me in pure form, and knows the outcome for my life, know’s my failures more than anyone, yet still loves me more than anyone ever could.
I am thankful for a God who see’s me fail and still gently leads me the right way.
thank You, God.
so here I am, completely surrendering “my plans” and ready to see what God has purposed for my life.
I have no idea what is to come after I arrive back from Australia in mid-December.
but I can rejoice, because my God knows. and I fully trust that He will reveal His plan to me in these next few months or years, or really however long it takes.
please join me in praying for God’s intended purpose – that I may have peace and joy throughout this waiting stage.
it’s hard, I am not over here saying that this is a walk in the park.
this is something that I have to pray about and work at every. single. day.
but this has been my prayer and my song the last month or so…
“make me a vessel,
make me an offering,
make me whatever you want me to be.”
our God is a God of goodness and redemption and grace – and boy, I am so grateful to be a recipient of all of that.
thank you to everyone who has influenced, taught, prayed for, encouraged, loved, laughed with, cried with, and so so much more towards me. I am filled to the brim. THANK YOU.
I just really hope in this next month before my departure that I am able to meet up for coffee with or love on your kiddos or play board games with or have a dance party, whatever it is, I hope I am able to see you all.
thank you for loving me so well.
xoxo & all my love,
am
holmes lake – lincoln, ne – summer 2016
allison leigh 