(b)e still.

hi friends!

you know those awkward moments when all these new people are in a new place, toss in some insecurity and a bit of hesitancy because we’re kind of forced, in a way, to be friends… yeah, that never happened.

we bonded straight away from the beginning and haven’t really turned back. I mean, I cried in front of my entire class on day 3, if that tells you anything.

it’s really a beautiful thing when all of these different kinds of people, with completely different backgrounds come from completely different places, and realize that they are hand picked by God and chosen specifically to be here.

it’s really been all around just so wonderful and emotional and overwhelming.

after what seemed like an eternity (a bit dramatic, aye?), we began our lecture portion. I didn’t realize just how hungry I was for this in my life until that first morning.

God is on the move here and it would probably take me a couple months to let that all spill out as to what I’ve learned and what God is revealing to me, but overall it’s so refreshing for me to be so still and allow God to show me a glimpse of who He is and really dive into who I really am.

I am thankful and fully know that God gifted me with encouragement and compassion, so I was a bit reluctant, in this season, to just be still and get poured into.

some days I feel like I’ve been tired for 3 months and in the moment from which I realize that, I’d just rather isolate myself, which then causes me to be within myself, potentially tearing myself down from the inside out and believing the lie that I am not good enough and not making a difference, rather than using my time wisely. but i’ve learned that the “being” is what makes life just so beautiful. God created us for relationships with each other. I was just overdoing and misusing the “being” part.

I realized that I got really good at working with God, I just wasn’t so good at simply being with God. 

it’s funny, in a way. I don’t think I’ve ever been so close to God, but I know I have so much more to learn throughout my time here, throughout the rest of my life, and it won’t even been a full picture of our God. He’s just so big.

I heard this once, and totally love it…

in the Lord’s prayer, it says “…give us this day our daily bread…” for a reason. if God gave us the entire amount of bread that we’d need for the rest of our lives, it would grow moldy and we wouldn’t be able to consume it by the time we’d need to or have enough space to save it for later in life.

just like with God and His nature & characteristics. if He revealed His entire being to us in a single moment, we wouldn’t know what to do with all of the information. He has created us all in the most unique ways, we are all so different, going through different situations. in His perfect time, He will reveal to you what you need in that specific moment. he will give you your daily bread, you only have to ask Him.

that has been so hard for me to understand. I’ve always tried learning from other people and feeling what they’re feeling, because I thought that’s what we were supposed to do.

I’m struggling with what I am going to do when I am done with my DTS and at one moment in one of the first day’s of our orientation, I remember considering pursing the Medical field because I heard a miraculous testimony of someone who served and did ministry through medicine.

thankfully I shut that down, because I am certainly not gifted in that alley of ministry, but I did learn a lesson through it. I am created by the most creative being I know. I am so unique and have a purpose that only He knows. it’s not my job to come up with situations and dreams that I won’t be able to fulfill because I am not created for that. I do have the free will to chose what I do in this life, but His plans are better than mine and I don’t want it if He doesn’t want it for me.

wow, God. 

so that’s been the last week and a half.

a lot, am I right?

and that’s not even all of it.

just another small story…picture this. a small child, whether it is yours, your niece/nephew, or a tiny human that you adore. you’re in the chair, trying to take a nap and they come to you wanting to read a book. given, you’ve read that book to them 13 times that day.

what do you do? you do it because you love them. you may be a bit aggravated, because you simply want to take a nap, but you delight in that tiny human so much, no matter how many times you’ve read that book over and over again. you’d do anything for them.

that’s exactly like our God. no matter how many times you fail, God delights in His children. HE delights in YOU. He doesn’t just love you unconditionally, but he likes you. He chooses you and will choose you over and over again. let that sink in.

here I am so overwhelmed by that & pray that whoever read’s this knows a glimpse of just how loved they really are.

filled to the brim and abundantly grateful.

I want to share with y’all what I’m learning and everything, all of it, but I think it’s best if some of it stays between me and God. if you get to spend enough time with me over the years, I’m sure it’ll all come out eventually. but until then, I’ll share the big stuff on here.

just know God is doing 10,000 things in each of our hearts, we may only be aware of three. he wants us to seek Him and HE will reveal whatever we need and the exact moment we need it.

also, one last thing…GUYS there’s tons of families and kids here and I’ve been able to hang out with some mama’s and kiddos and I’M JUST SO HAPPY. that’s all.

thanks for being here. I miss you peeps.

xo,

am

How Beautiful – Mosaic

You Say – Lauren Daigle

ps- I want to share this photo with you…it wasn’t planned, at all. I began journaling for the arvo (afternoon), then after I wrote those two words, I began praying and then searching for worship music and got lost in that. as my quiet time dwindled for the day, I went back to look at my journal and it was really just exactly how I am feeling throughout my time here thus far.

IMG_1875

One thought on “(b)e still.

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